In this exclusive interview, we speak with Dr Ben Bander Abudawood, an Associate Professor and Senior Educator, organisational psychology expert, Certified Positive Psychology Practitioner, and researcher whose work bridges academic scholarship with practical applications in human behaviour, wellbeing, and leadership. With extensive experience in organisational psychology, human resource management, and positive psychology, his research explores how people can navigate adversity, build resilience, and achieve lasting psychological growth.
His latest work, Ben’s Five Stage Framework of Letting Go: A Conceptual Model of Psychological Transformation from Adversity to Flourishing, introduces a new perspective on one of the most common yet least understood aspects of human experience: letting go. Rather than viewing it as simply moving on or forgetting the past, the framework presents letting go as a process of psychological transformation that enables individuals to grow through adversity and ultimately flourish. In this interview, Dr Abudawood discusses what inspired the framework, why learning to let go is essential for psychological wellbeing, and how people can use its principles to build resilience, find purpose, and create meaningful change in both their personal and professional lives.
Hello Dr Ben Bander Abudawood, welcome to WorldAuthors.Org! Ben, what inspired you to develop the Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go?
The inspiration came from a simple but important question: Why do we constantly tell people to “let it go” without ever explaining how? Whether someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, recovering from a failed relationship, coping with trauma, or simply struggling with regret, “letting go” is probably one of the most common pieces of advice they receive. Yet, when people ask what letting go actually looks like in practice, there isn’t a clear answer.
As I explored the psychological literature, I found many valuable theories about resilience, acceptance, coping, and post-traumatic growth. However, there wasn’t a framework that brought these ideas together into one practical process focused specifically on letting go. That gap motivated me to develop the Five-Stage Framework.
My goal wasn’t to create another self-help model. I wanted to offer a conceptual framework that helps people understand that letting go is not a single decision or an overnight achievement. It is a gradual psychological transformation. People need to first recognise what they are holding onto, understand why they are holding onto it, learn to release it, rebuild their lives, and eventually discover new meaning and purpose.
Ultimately, the framework was developed to help people see that letting go is not about forgetting the past it is about changing their relationship with it so they can move forward in healthier and more meaningful ways.
Why do you believe letting go is so important for psychological wellbeing?
Because holding on often comes at a significant psychological cost. When we remain attached to painful experiences, unresolved anger, guilt, fear, or disappointment, those emotions continue shaping our thoughts, behaviours, relationships, and decisions. Many people believe they have moved on simply because time has passed, but emotional wounds that remain unprocessed often continue influencing daily life without us realising it.
Letting go doesn’t mean pretending something never happened. It doesn’t mean ignoring pain or denying loss. Instead, it means accepting that while we cannot always control what happened to us, we can choose how we respond to it.
I think this is particularly important because life inevitably involves adversity. Every person experiences setbacks, grief, failure, rejection, or uncertainty at some point. If we never learn how to let go in a healthy way, these experiences accumulate and begin defining our identity.
Psychological wellbeing is not about avoiding suffering. It is about developing the ability to move through suffering without becoming permanently trapped by it. That’s why I believe letting go should be viewed as a life skill rather than simply a response to crisis.
How can your framework be useful for people in everyday life, not just those experiencing major trauma?
One of the things I wanted to emphasise is that letting go isn’t only relevant after major life events. Of course, the framework can support people dealing with grief, trauma, or significant loss, but it is equally applicable to everyday challenges.
Many of us hold onto perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, unhealthy relationships, past mistakes, self-criticism, or fear of failure. These may not seem as dramatic as trauma, but over time they can significantly affect mental health and overall wellbeing.
The framework encourages people to pause and ask themselves important questions. What am I holding onto? Why am I holding onto it? Is it helping me grow, or is it preventing me from becoming the person I want to be?
Those questions are valuable regardless of someone’s circumstances.
I also hope the framework provides a common language for discussing psychological growth. Sometimes people know they are struggling but cannot explain why. Having a structured process helps individuals understand where they are in their journey and reassures them that growth takes time. They don’t need to have everything figured out immediately.
Ultimately, the framework is designed to be flexible. It recognises that every person’s experience is different while providing a roadmap that people can adapt to their own lives.
What do you hope professionals such as psychologists, counsellors, and educators gain from this framework?
I hope it encourages professionals to think about letting go as a multidimensional process rather than a single therapeutic goal. In practice, people often present with anxiety, depression, grief, burnout, or relationship difficulties, but beneath many of these experiences lies an unresolved attachment to something from the past.
The framework offers a way of understanding that process. Rather than asking only what symptoms someone is experiencing, it encourages professionals to consider where that person may be in their psychological journey. Are they still trying to understand what happened? Are they struggling to accept reality? Are they rebuilding their identity? Or are they beginning to discover new meaning?
I also hope it stimulates further research. This is a conceptual framework, not a final theory. I would like researchers to test it, challenge it, refine it, and examine how it relates to existing psychological theories across different cultures and populations.
If the framework contributes to better conversations between researchers, educators, and individuals seeking support, then I believe it has achieved something worthwhile.
If readers remember only one message from your work, what would you like it to be?
I would like people to remember that healing is not about becoming the person you were before adversity. Sometimes difficult experiences change us forever, and that’s okay. The goal is not to erase the past but to grow beyond it.
Too often people believe letting go means giving up, forgetting, or pretending they were never hurt. I see it very differently. Letting go is an act of courage because it requires honesty, acceptance, and the willingness to move forward even when life doesn’t unfold as we expected.
Growth doesn’t happen because suffering exists. Growth happens because we choose how to respond to suffering. That choice is what transforms adversity into resilience, wisdom, and purpose.
If the Five-Stage Framework helps people realise that they are capable of growth even after life’s most difficult moments, then it has served its purpose. My hope is that readers leave with optimism not because life becomes easier, but because they understand that they have the capacity to adapt, heal, and ultimately flourish.